Adventures In Diaper Changing

From a previous entry by my dear wife most of you know how much our little one loves to lie down and patiently wait for his diaper and or clothes to be changed. Honestly, this is currently my least favorite chore as a parent. It is the only time that Jackson and I get frustrated with each other. For everything else we are the best of buds, thick as theives.

Todays adventures started at 5:00 in the blessed a.m.. He seems to have been getting up a little bit earlier each day and we have been seeming to have less and less luck with soothing and getting him to sleep a little bit longer. Last night before going to bed I told Alex that when I get up for my usual early morning trip to the bathroom (usually around 4:00) I was going to sneak into Jackson's room and re-insert the peace pipe (pacifier) to see if that would keep him from waking up. Of course, Jackson was sleeping face down with his lips sealed shut. I tried but decided not to push my luck. I then very carefully placed the pipe just a few inches from his head hoping that when he woke up he would find easy access and drift into happy dreams of juice in a sippy cup.

Unfortunately, at 4:45 (on a Saturday) I heard the dreaded sounds of THUMP, THUMP! The first sounds of motor baby's propulsion system warming up. Figuring he had totally missed the well placed sleeping aid I quickly but quietly stole into his room only to find him standing up in his crib wide eyed with pipe in his mouth. Child raising theory number 329 blown to bits just like all the others.

At this point resistance is futile and in an attempt to keep the noise level under control so that mom could sleep a little bit longer we retired to the front room for an early start to the weekend.

After playing for a bit with his little people nativity set, a large bottle of milk, some cereal, some fishy crackers from the diaper bag that he found and pulled out I realized that he had been up for over an hour and I had been smelling a wet diaper for just as long. My conscience wouldn't let me put off the inevitable any longer. Reluctantly and hesitantly I fetched the diaper and a fairly weak attempt at entertainment, a book. I got as far as wiping his bum when we had both had enough of each other. I knew Alex was now awake and was feeling bad for that and to make matters more frustrating I now had a little dude with his arms still in his pj's, the legs trailing behind him like a super hero costume gone wrong and his bare buttox and legs cruising his room looking for something fun to play with. He knew he wasn't done so he was keeping his distance from me. Sometimes dad is just not cool. Well, over the next 10 minutes I manged somehow to get the diaper on and the legs back in and the zipper pulled back up. Big sigh of relief! Maybe Alex could fall back asleep and Jackson and I could get back on good terms.

Not ten minutes later and what do I smell? You got it. A stink bomb. A SERIOUS stink bomb. I knew that unless something was done quickly homeland security (mom) would be pretty upset and I could get locked up and charged with crimes of terror (Jackson has had a diaper rash lately). Resolved that this time would be better than the first I allowed Jackson to choose a spoon (his all time favorite toy) and I grabbed the digital meat thermometer (another clutch distraction). Despite him going crazy with the loud buttons on the thermometer and me having to turn it off so as to spare Alex, things went pretty well. I was feeling pretty darn good about myself. Diaper change number two was feeling like quite a success. I can handle this dad stuff. Super Dad to the rescue. Got a dirty diaper, who ya gonna call? As I picked up Jackson from off of the changing table he started to act kind of funny. He was all of a sudden kind of cranky. He had been in a pretty good mood all morning minus diaper changes. I thought he was probobly just getting a little tired so I got one of his favorite books and started reading. He wouldn't have it. He seemed so agitated and was really starting to get upset. I tried to cuddle him. I tried to stand up and rock him. By now he was loud so we moved down the hall further away from mom who I know was not sleeping. Then I started notice him grabbing at his crotch and down towards his legs. Now he was going crazy. I knew it was just a matter of seconds before I would hear Alex's footsteps and to be honest I was starting to get alarmed. Could he be having digestive issues. Serious constipation. Diaper rash flare up. As Alex walked up to us I had just started to undress him and mentioned to her that Jackson was grabbing at his bum. She asked, "well did you change him?" in a semi-sarcastic I can't sleep with a screaming baby voice. She knows how much I enjoy rodeo diaper changes. In defense of my innocence I protested "I changed him twice". And then... I saw it. I had gotten him unzipped and his legs removed from the pj's and just as I was about to remove the diaper I saw the spoon. Just a good old table spoon that had somehow gotten wedged in between the diaper and the pj's. A good old table spoon that had been inflicting serious discomfort on a poor unsuspecting youngster with little ability to communicate or extract.

Well, we made peace with the spoon. Jackson was back to his happy self. Mom was up and took over with Jackson while I just kind of sat there for a few minutes lamenting my incompitence and then returned to bed. Alex joined me in another 10 after getting Jackson back down and the three of us went to sleep.